I’m worried about my husband’s sleep schedule & how it’s impacting our relationship and family life. Any advice is apreciated.
We have been married for 15 years and have two young children (3M, 5F), with another on the way (6m pregnant). My husband has always liked to wake up early, waking up around 4am to have some alone time before starting work. To accommodate this, he goes to bed very early, around 8pm. His pre-bedtime habits are causing me concern. He routinely drinks 2-3 energy drinks in the evenings and spends time on his phone or tablet. I think this is overstimulating him and keeping him ‘awake’ even if he’s asleep? He will falls asleep quickly at 7pm but still says he is tired all day. He also refuses to connect his energy drinking & electronic device use to his persistent tiredness.
+ he snores really loudly and wakes me up multiple times a night. he’s an extremely light sleeper so if I nudge him when he is asleep, he will respond to me. he will fall back asleep quickly though.
Obviously its also really affecting me – we never get any couple time and I don’t think I have held an adult convo with him in person for months. and ALL our kids’ pre-bed routines are done by ME. I also started sleeping on the sofa cause I can’t handle his snoring anymore. this also makes my sleep horrible and I’m getting back pains from sleeping in the living room.
I want to address it but in a kind, solution-focused way. And maybe a medical perspective to understand if what my husband is doing is normal or not?
It sounds like you’re facing a difficult situation with your husband’s sleep habits, especially with the demands of parenting, pregnancy, and managing your own rest. His early wake-ups, energy drinks, and evening screen time are likely affecting his sleep quality, even if he falls asleep quickly. These habits can lead to poor rest and persistent tiredness, which may also be worsened by his loud snoring—possibly a sign of sleep apnea. His sleep issues are clearly impacting your relationship and family life, leaving you with little couple time and a heavy load with the kids’ routines.
To approach this, have an open and caring conversation, explaining how his habits are affecting both of you. Suggest he visit a doctor to check for possible sleep disorders, like sleep apnea, and gently encourage reducing energy drinks and screens before bed to improve his rest. It’s important to find a way to reconnect as a couple, even briefly, before he goes to sleep. Also, consider solutions for his snoring, such as nasal strips or a sleep study, and prioritize your own sleep as much as possible during this stressful time.
This approach can help both of you feel better, reconnect, and find more balance in your relationship and family life.
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