Ghosting is the act of cutting off all communication with no explanation – and is too common a behaviour in this day and age.
Ever had someone disappear on you without a trace?
Maybe you were texting a date you had good vibes with for another meet-up – just to be unexpectedly left blue-ticked.
Or maybe you were trying to DM a friend on Instagram – only to discover that they’d mysteriously unfollowed you.
Unfortunately, such complete disengagement is a sign that you might have been ghosted.
It can leave you wondering what went wrong – and if the dissolution of the relationship had something to do with you.
The Art of Vanishing Without a Word
There have probably been multiple occasions when phone calls to a family member were left unanswered, or messages to an acquaintance left unread.
More often than not, it simply means that the receiver needed more time to respond. They may even eagerly vent to you about how busy they were when they get back at a later time or date.
Ghosting, however, involves a sudden end to all communications with you – permanently.
It’s like the proverbial, “Dad went out to get milk, but never came back.”
Texts, calls, emails – there’s no way to reach them.
And if you’re scrolling through your list of followers on social media looking for them, chances are that they’re gone.
While ghosting is normally associated with romantic situations, it can apply to friends or closer relations too.
Regardless of the context, being ghosted can be harrowing, because it happens so abruptly and ambiguously that you don’t even know how you should react.
So why do people ghost?
Reasons Behind the Choice to Ghost
Ironically, technological advancements intended to promote social connection, such as those towards online dating, have contributed greatly to the phenomenon of ghosting.
Once, face-to-face meetings or even a quick call were necessary to facilitate a breakup. Now, norms created from our digital culture, including more impersonal interactions and a lack of accountability in relationships, have made it easier to drop someone with a swipe or a click.
But let’s not be mistaken – ghosting has existed even before the rise of technology, in one form or another.
And there are numerous reasons why people choose to do it, including:
Conflict Avoidance
Ghosting can stem from a fear of confrontation or conflict, especially when it comes to hurting someone else’s feelings.
For instance, ending a relationship, regardless of how casual it is, means opening up an uncomfortable conversation with the other party.
This is rarely easy to do, especially for those who are unable to handle distress, or have difficulty clearly expressing their own thoughts on the matter.
For such individuals, they ghost not because they have anything against you – it’s just that they don’t have the courage or communication skills to properly deal with the situation.
As such, silently withdrawing becomes their best option.
Mental or Emotional Fatigue
Communication can feel like a chore – especially when someone is feeling burned out, overwhelmed, or distressed.
This could be attributed to the fact that we all have a certain mental capacity, or “tank”, for dealing situations, which can be limited during more trying times.
“When it is low, the amount of effort required to complete certain tasks can feel more overwhelming than when we have a fuller tank. Avoiding would seem like an easier, less effortful option,” explained Ms Tiffany Ng, an Associate Counsellor from psychological consultancy firm Mind What Matters, in CNA.
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It can be hard to hold up a conversation, or even a relationship, if you don’t have the energy to maintain it.
In this case, ghosting is a self-protective, although flawed, coping mechanism to minimise effort and ease emotional exhaustion.
Passive-Aggressiveness
In some cases, ghosting reflects an unwillingness to effectively communicate one’s needs or dissatisfaction in a relationship.
Ghosting then becomes a type of passive-aggressive behaviour to express negativity for someone, without having to face any backlash in person.
While wielding silence as a form of protest or punishment can be extremely hurtful to the ghostee, it’s also often an indication of the ghoster’s emotional immaturity.
Coming to Terms With Being Ghosted
Being ghosted can feel like whiplash. After all, it typically happens all too suddenly – no explanation, no closure.
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The loss and rejection can rattle your self-esteem, engender deep emotional wounds, and even diminish your sense of trust and security in future relationships.
This makes it all the more crucial for us to find ways to cope with the pain.
Don’t Internalise It
While it can feel personal, being ghosted doesn’t actually reflect your worth.
Avoid spiralling into a pattern of self-blame. Remember that being cut off by a ghoster says more about their own emotional limits than it does about you.
Move Forward With Self-Care
Pamper yourself with activities that fulfil you, and spend more time with people you have a healthy relationship with.
Friends and family can help you gain more perspective on the situation, and strengthen your sense of security and wellbeing.
Find Some Closure
If the relationship was particularly meaningful, give them some concession or grace.
But resist the urge to chase them. Instead, send them a short message letting them know they’re still in your thoughts, with no pressure to reply.
It might help you gain your own version of closure, even if you don’t get a response.
What if You’re the Ghoster?
If you’re the one who took the ruder route in discontinuing a relationship, maybe you were intensely uncomfortable with, or even felt threatened by, the person you ghosted.
In this case, breaking away from someone who displays unscrupulous behaviours or toxic traits could even be necessary.
Nonetheless, few people actually warrant being ghosted. So if you’re preparing to cut ties, be honest and direct. End any message with an indication that you don’t want to draw out the conversation.
Ghosting may feel like an easy out, but clarity, even in goodbye, is a courtesy we all deserve.
External References
- Daraj, L. R., et al. (2024). Ghosting: Abandonment in the Digital Era. Encyclopedia, 4, 36—45. Retrieved from: https://www.researchgate.net/publication/376834466_Ghosting_Abandonment_in_the_digital_era
- Field, B. (2024, September 26). How to Cope When You’ve Been Ghosted. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-to-cope-with-being-ghosted-5101153
- Gould, W. R. (2023, November 2). What Is Ghosting? Verywell Mind. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-ghosting-5071864
- ImPossible Psychological Services. (2024, December 27). The Emotional Toll of Ghosting: Why It Hurts More Than You Think. Retrieved from: https://www.impossiblepsychservices.com.sg/our-resources/articles/2024/12/27/the-emotional-toll-of-ghosting-why-it-hurts-more-than-you-think
- Jewell, T. (2019, March 4). What Is Ghosting, Why Does It Happen, and What Can You Do to Move Past It? Healthline. Retrieved from: https://www.healthline.com/health/ghosting
- Tempera, J. (2025, July 17). What Is Ghosting? How To Handle Being Ghosted, According To Relationship Experts. Women’s Health. Retrieved from: https://www.womenshealthmag.com/sex-and-love/a65440568/what-is-ghosting/
- Wong, A. (2020, February 10). Being ghosted? A dating coach shares the best way to deal with it. AsiaOne. Retrieved from: https://www.asiaone.com/lifestyle/being-ghosted-dating-coach-shares-best-way-deal-it
- Zalizan, T. (2025, January 18). ‘I’ll do it later’: Why do we avoid certain tasks, even when we know we shouldn’t? CNA. Retrieved from: https://www.channelnewsasia.com/today/mental-health-matters/avoid-inaction-stress-break-cope-4863236
