Is your partner ruining your sleep? From snoring to mismatched schedules, a sleep divorce might just be the secret to healthier rest—and a stronger relationship.
If you’re dragging yourself through the work week because your partner keeps jolting you awake with their snoring, fidgeting, or restless tossing, you’re not alone.
Ironically, they might feel just as annoyed, especially if you’re the one stumbling into bed at 1am after replying to work emails, disrupting their much-needed shut-eye.
There are a variety of reasons why we’re often deprived of sleep, and, unfortunately, one of those reasons could be our other half. And while it’s nice to cuddle up under the blankets with them, it doesn’t change the fact that they don’t always make the best bed partner.
So if you’d like to resolve this awkward issue, maybe it’s time to consider a sleep divorce.
What’s a Sleep Divorce?
A sleep divorce involves partners choosing to sleep in separate beds or rooms to improve their sleep quality, and, by extension, their sanity.
And there sure are a variety of reasons why couples might opt for it, including:
- The noise-polluting occurrence of snoring.
- The toss-and-turn effect of restlessness and insomnia.
- The incompatibility of differing sleep schedules.
Such unnecessary wake-up calls can prevent you or your partner from achieving sustained sleep. As such, sleeping separately can be a major boon because both partners can get all the rest they need, without the consequence of disturbing each other.
Alas, while modern couples are becoming more open to the idea—partly thanks to the likes of Cameron Diaz and Carson Daly, who have been candid about practicing it themselves—this unconventional approach to boosting sleep health is often met with judgement.
But why does society frown upon it?
Sleep Divorce: Stigma or Solution?
According to Ms Theresa Pong, Founder and Counselling Director of The Relationship Room, in Her World: “Sleeping in separate rooms can be stigmatised because societal norms often equate shared physical space with marital success.”
The idea of a sleep divorce challenges traditional notions of togetherness in a relationship, and taking this step might cause both men and women to feel a sense of inadequacy in their bond.
Moreover, the word “divorce” mainly has negative implications in the context of a partnership, furthering this sleep concept’s bad rep.
However, there is something potentially more toxic to the health of your relationship than the undesirable view of a sleep divorce, and that is sleep deprivation.
We know poor sleep affects our health, but it also chips away at our emotional connection with loved ones.
For instance, one study highlights how poor sleep can lower positive feelings and empathy, heighten negative emotions, and result in more arguments between a couple. Another study also found that low quality sleep can compromise your relationship satisfaction by embedding more strain and conflict.
In consideration of this perspective, rather than ruining your relationship, maybe a sleep divorce can save it instead.
The Appeal of Sleeping Separately
While we all already yearn to be able to wake up feeling refreshed and rejuvenated each morning, this isn’t the only advantage of a sleep divorce.
Better Overall Health
Just as inadequate sleep can weaken your health, having an amazing night’s rest can enhance it.
“Having good quality sleep helps us both physically and mentally,” explained Dr Ashwin Chee, a Senior Consultant and Psychiatrist at Private Space Medical.
“It helps to maintain our cardiovascular health as well as boost our immunity. It also helps with our memory retention and recall, as well as helping to regulate our emotions.”
And a healthy body and mind can do wonders for a healthy relationship.
Control Your Own Sleep Environment
Having your own space means that you can tailor your environment and sleeping routines to your needs.
Want more pillows? A white noise machine? The light on for a bedtime read? No need to negotiate. Plus, you finally get to be the starfish in bed.
Ultimately, having total autonomy over the way you sleep isn’t just a pleasant option, it can be impactful to your mental health. Plus, not having to fight over your or your partner’s sleep habits is definitely a nice touch.
An Improved Relationship
Better sleep could equate to a couple having better quality time together too. This is because your relationship and intimacy become more intentional when you’re not forced into the same bed, and this can add a little more control and excitement to your love life.
And with all the psychological and emotional benefits that come with quality sleep, you and your partner will be able to be more patient, attentive and loving towards each other.
Ensure Sleeping Apart Doesn’t Mean You’re Falling Apart
While a sleep divorce can be a relationship booster, we can’t deny that it can also create a little emotional distance.
After all, the bed is where many couples with demanding schedules might spend most of their work week together—take that away, and you might intensify any feelings of loneliness, insecurity, and even resentment at having to sleep apart.
So it’s important to determine whether this sleep arrangement is the best option for you. Discuss your problems and see if you can reach an acceptable compromise on your sleeping preferences first.
If you decide a sleep divorce is needed, consider the following methods:
- Being together at the start of the night just to talk or cuddle before splitting up for bed.
- Sleeping separately during workdays, and sharing a bed over the weekends.
Make sure you block out time for intimacy, and regularly assess whether the arrangement is working for you. Finding the right balance between togetherness and personal space is key to making it work harmoniously.
In the end, love doesn’t have to mean sharing everything – including the same bed.
External References
- Cernadas Curotto, P., Sterpenich, V., Sander, D., Favez, N., Rimmele, U., & Klimecki, O. (2022). Quarreling After a Sleepless Night: Preliminary Evidence of the Impact of Sleep Deprivation on Interpersonal Conflict. Affective Science, 3(2), 341–352. Retrieved from: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC9249692/
- Cleveland Clinic. (2023, August 7). A ‘Sleep Divorce’ Might Be Exactly What Your Relationship Needs. Retrieved from: https://health.clevelandclinic.org/sleep-divorce
- Cleveland Clinic. (2023, November 8). Why a ‘Sleep Divorce’ is Beneficial for Some. Retrieved from: https://newsroom.clevelandclinic.org/2023/11/08/why-a-sleep-divorce-is-beneficial-for-some
- Godman, H. (2024, January 1). Tips to navigate a “sleep divorce”. Harvard Medical School. Retrieved from: https://www.health.harvard.edu/staying-healthy/tips-to-navigate-a-sleep-divorce
- Goh, B. (2025, January 18). Sleep divorce or modern love? Why sleeping separately might not be bad for your relationship. Her World. Retrieved from: https://www.herworld.com/wellness/sleep-divorce-or-modern-love-why-sleeping-separately-might-not-be-bad-your-relationship
- Gordon, A. M., & Chen, S. (2013). The Role of Sleep in Interpersonal Conflict: Do Sleepless Nights Mean Worse Fights? Social Psychological and Personality Science, 5(2), 168-175. Retrieved from: https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/1948550613488952
- Lal, N. (2024, March 22). Sleep divorce? Cameron Diaz is a fan. Separate bedrooms can be a good thing – better sleep helps you manage depression, anxiety and other conditions. South China Morning Post. Retrieved from: https://www.scmp.com/lifestyle/health-wellness/article/3256076/sleep-divorce-cameron-diaz-fan-separate-bedrooms-can-be-good-thing-better-sleep-helps-you-manage
- Pawlowski, A. (2022, June 24). Will a sleep divorce help your relationship? Here’s what experts think. TODAY. Retrieved from: https://www.today.com/health/sleep/sleep-divorce-rcna35021
- Stark, V. (2024, February 28). It’s Not a Sleep Divorce, It’s a Sleep Retreat. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/schlepping-through-heartbreak/202402/its-not-a-sleep-divorce-its-a-sleep-retreat
- Turrell, C. (2024, May 21). Should couples normalize sleeping in separate beds? National Geographic. Retrieved from: https://www.nationalgeographic.com/history/article/sleep-divorce-health-benefits
