A quick notification check can seem harmless. But when screens repeatedly interrupt time together, partner phubbing can leave someone feeling overlooked. When does phone use become a relationship problem, and how can couples reconnect?
You just came home from work to find your partner on the sofa, eyes glued to their phone. You tell them about your day, and each complaint is met with a murmur of sympathy, prompting you to continue.
But then mid-sentence, they look up and go, “Sorry, what were you saying?”
Does this sound a little too familiar?
Many of us have likely been on one side of this situation – and, to be fair, probably on the other side too. Smartphones have become so ingrained in everyday life that checking a notification or scrolling for “just a few minutes” can feel almost instinctive – even if the person we love is there right in front of us.
Maybe it is fine every once in a while, but when this habit repeatedly gets in the way of meaningful interactions with your partner, it becomes a true problem, and it has a name: partner phubbing.
What Is Partner Phubbing?
Phubbing, which combines the words “phone” and “snubbing”, describes the act of paying more attention to a phone than the person you are with. Partner phubbing is the exact same behaviour playing out in the context of a romantic relationship.
The signs of phubbing can include:
- The person always holding their phone or having it nearby.
- Being told “hold on” in favour of a notification.
- The person getting easily distracted when their phone screen lights up.
- The person getting defensive about how much they are using their phone.
It should be noted, however, that not every instance of phone use is phubbing. There are plenty of legitimate reasons for one or both partners to be on their phones around each other, such as in the case of work or family emergencies.
The issue is less about phone use, and more about what happens when this little handheld device is constantly third-wheeling your relationship.
When a Phone Displaces Connection
A relationship is built and maintained around countless moments of engagement, whether that involves shared meals and conversations, or eye contact and simply being present.
But when a phone regularly interrupts those moments, it can open up opportunities for disconnection.
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One of the most overt costs of partner phubbing involves relationship satisfaction. Research has shown that when one partner is distracted and unengaged, the other may feel ignored and undervalued. This neglect and frustration can increase dissatisfaction in a relationship, while reducing relational harmony.
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Furthermore, a phone can essentially be perceived as a third presence entering an otherwise private interaction.
When one partner is repeatedly checking their phone, it can cause the other to wonder why they can barely put their phone down, or if they are talking to someone more interesting than they are. Even if this speculation does not necessarily reflect reality, the uncertainty can still fuel jealousy and insecurity.
Essentially, the repeated experiences of being deprioritised can affect trust and emotional closeness.
It can also have implications on mental wellbeing.
When Phubbing Harms Mental Health
Feeling ignored repeatedly can have real consequences not just on relationship quality, but on self-perception.
One recent study found that being perceived to be less important than a phone can adversely affect how someone evaluates their own worth or importance within the relationship, resulting in lowered self-esteem.
Moreover, those experiencing more partner phubbing tended to feel more romantic loneliness. It is possible to be physically sitting beside a partner but still feel emotionally alone, and this lack of intimacy can create a sense of disconnection.
Ultimately, partner phubbing can negatively impact mental health via stress, anxiety and depression, which can lead to broader repercussions.
How to Quit Phubbing
When it comes to partner phubbing, the argument is never really about the phone, but about being heard.
So if you are concerned about your partner’s – or even your own – phone usage, the goal is not to eliminate these digital devices from your relationship, but to create intentional periods of connection when looking at a screen is not the first priority.
The first step is to empathetically open up a conversation about these habits with your partner. Achieving mutual understanding is important in getting the problem solved.
Consider your phone usage too. Why do you use it, and for how long? Being honest about how much you depend on your phone, and creating boundaries based on what you need it for can help make these changes in habit easier to stick to.
“This way, when you draw up plans to limit your usage, you do so in a way that does not disrupt your life and so you are less likely to give up altogether,” advised Mr Chirag Agarwal, co-founder and chief growth officer of online counselling and coaching platform Talk Your Heart Out, in CNA.
You can try screen-time trackers or app blockers to help you manage your usage.
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You can also establish ground rules when it comes to phone use, such as not using it during meals, or plan “phone-free” quality time or excursions.
Remember that the fundamental problem with partner phubbing involves attention. Few people really need their partner’s undivided attention every minute of every day, but it is still important to know when to simply to switch off and be present.
Read more
- Do Happy Couples Really Post Less on Social Media?
- IMH Study Highlights Widespread Problematic Smartphone Use in Singapore
External References
- Al-Saggaf, Y. (2022, November 9). ‘Phubbing’: snubbing your loved ones for your phone can do more damage than you realise. The Conversation. Retrieved from: https://theconversation.com/phubbing-snubbing-your-loved-ones-for-your-phone-can-do-more-damage-than-you-realise-194039
- Doğru, M. C., & Kurtça, T. T. (2026). The Silent Rejection: The Indirect Path From Partner Phubbing to Psychological Well-Being Through Self-Esteem and Romantic Loneliness. Journal of Community Psychology, 54, e70146. Retrieved from: https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/jcop.70146
- Fleming, L. (2024, May 30). Are You Phubbing Your Partner? Verywell Mind. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-phubbing-8647390
- Ni, N., Ahrari, S., Zaremohzzabieh, Z., Zarean, M., & Roslan, S. (2025). A meta-analytic study of partner phubbing and its antecedents and consequences. Frontiers in Psychology, 16, 1561159. Retrieved from: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC12106345/
- Ong, S. (2024, June 17). Gen Zen: I tried and failed to cut my phone out of my life. So I sought a healthier relationship with it instead. CNA. Retrieved from: https://www.channelnewsasia.com/today/mental-health-matters/gen-zen-i-tried-and-failed-cut-my-phone-out-my-life-so-i-sought-healthier-relationship-it-instead-4633311
- Seidman, G. (2022, June 9). When, and Why, Looking at Your Phone Harms Your Relationship. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/close-encounters/202206/when-and-why-looking-at-your-phone-harms-your-relationship
