Sharing Your Struggles? Make Sure You’re Not Trauma Dumping

We all need to vent sometimes, but when does sharing our struggles become trauma dumping and overwhelming for others?

Let’s be honest: we all complain.

And we don’t just do it once in a while – it’s a regular part of our conversations.

In an era of social awareness that encourages us to discuss our emotions as a form of cathartic release, venting is highly common and completely unavoidable. But when does sharing cross the line from therapeutic to overwhelming?

That’s where trauma dumping comes in—the act of unloading deeply personal and often distressing information onto someone, without considering their emotional capacity to handle it.

When Venting is Healthy (And When It’s Not)

First, let’s talk about why complaining. It gets a bad reputation, but in reality, it can serve as an effective coping mechanism.

When we vent our frustrations or concerns to a trusted friend, it has the effect of releasing any pent-up emotions and relieving our stress. This can help us feel psychologically lighter and more at ease, and even prevent our negative feelings from building up, and potentially causing harm, over time.

Furthermore, it also enables us to get a fresh perspective on our problems. Meaningful discussions over an issue can help us see them from a different angle, and come up with ways to overcome them.

In addition, sharing our struggles with others can strengthen our relationships by creating a sense of connection and support.

With how much of a positive influence it can be on our psyche, here lies the question: is all venting good?

The answer is – as many of us who have been on the receiving end of a rather overwhelming vent can attest to – a solid no.

Why Trauma Dumping is Harmful (For You and Others)

Trauma dumping is the act of offloading your emotional baggage onto someone without considering their feelings or boundaries.

Most of us will probably have experienced it in one shape or another. Maybe it was sitting down with a colleague during lunch, only to be bombarded by deep insights about their declining health that feels like it’s too confidential to be randomly shared in the office pantry. Or having a catch-up with a friend that ends up with them hogging the chat, and disclosing intensely personal details about their family life you’re not sure you even want to know about, despite your close relationship.

You may even have been guilty of doing these yourself.

And while it may give you a brief sense of satisfaction, it can also have a negative impact on your relationships and your mental wellbeing.

It Can Push People Away

Trauma dumping tends to be one-sided, which can create an imbalance in the relationship dynamic.

In particular, considering the content of such discussions can get pretty uncomfortable to hear, using it to basically take hostage of a conversation can cause the listener to feel like they’re being burdened with someone else’s issues.

The problem with trauma dumping is that it normally happens at the wrong time and place, because you’re simply compelled to share what you feel, despite the fact that the listener doesn’t have the capacity to delve into your struggles with you.

And if this oversharing happens way too often, it can cause the listener to feel helpless, resentful, and burned out, compromising the trust and intimacy of the relationship. This could result in them emotionally distancing themselves from you, and even avoiding you, for fear of the overwhelming nature of your conversations.

It Keeps You Stuck in Negative Thinking

Moreover, repetitively throwing your problems out into the world can have an unintended adverse effect on your mental state.

“Constant complaining can deepen frustration and make problems seem bigger than they are. The more we focus on negativity, the more our brain adapts to expect and dwell on it,” explained Dr Karen Pooh, a Clinical Psychologist at Alliance Counselling, in CNA.

When venting lacks solutions or self-reflection, it can create a cycle where you become fixated on the problem, rather than working toward a resolution. Instead of providing relief, excessive venting can reinforce stress, frustration, and even anxiety.

It essentially prevents you from working through your emotions in a healthy way. This establishes a cycle of negativity that perpetuates your mental distress and may even give you a less positive outlook on life, rather than helping you heal.

How to Vent Without Trauma Dumping

Trauma dumping isn’t something we ever mean to do, but it doesn’t change the fact that the very act of it can be detrimental to our lives. 

So what can we do to avoid it?

Check Yourself Before You Overshare

Before opening up about something personal, pause and ask yourself:

If your venting feels like a repeated cycle with no resolution, it might be time to step back and re-evaluate.

Think about any heavy conversations you’ve had in the past. If they consisted of repetitive complaints over the same issue and lack any productive problem-solving for it, and you didn’t allow the listener to provide their input on it, or share about their own lives, then those might be indications of trauma dumping.

Be Mindful of the Other Person’s Feelings

If you notice the listener hasn’t been responding, it might also be a sign that they’re not equipped to handle the topic, at least at that very moment.

So if you want to speak on a heavy, personal matter, a simple check-in can make a big difference. Try asking: “Hey, I need to talk about something heavy. Do you have the space for this right now?”

Balance the Conversation

Healthy venting involves give and take. It’s not just about offloading, but also listening in return.

If you find yourself dominating conversations with your struggles, take a step back and make room for the other person to share too. Try to ask follow-up questions about the other person’s life, rather than focusing solely on your concerns.

Recognise When to Seek Professional Help

Keep note as well of how you felt after you left the conversation.

“Ask yourself if you feel better or worse after complaining. If venting leaves you feeling more frustrated, stuck or emotionally drained, it may not be serving you,” said Dr Pooh. If certain topics weigh on you daily or leave you feeling worse after venting, it may be time to seek professional support.

Therapists are trained to help process difficult emotions without the risk of emotional burnout that friends or family might experience.

And if you’re the one being dumped on, you can help them be more aware of your own emotional capacity too.

While you want to be a good friend and validate their feelings, it doesn’t mean that you can’t establish healthy boundaries in a compassionate way. It’s alright to be truthful about whether or not you’re the right person to vent to. Healthy conversations go both ways!

Read More

• Stress: Tips To Cope With It
• What is the ‘Inner Child’ and How Does Healing It Influence Our Mental Health?

References

1. Balan, D. (2023, September 1). Why Go to Therapy When You Can Trauma Dump? Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/un-numb/202309/why-go-to-therapy-when-you-can-trauma-dump 
2. Cassata, C. (2024, May 21). When Oversharing Turns into Trauma Dumping, and How to Stop. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-trauma-dumping-do-you-do-it-5205229 
3. Lam, N. (2024, September 30). Gen Zen: When does sharing become ‘trauma dumping’? Here’s how to establish boundaries. CNA. Retrieved from: https://www.channelnewsasia.com/today/mental-health-matters/gen-zen-trauma-dumping-venting-boundaries-mental-health-4633431 
4. Scott, E. (2023, December 10). How and Why You Should Stop Complaining. Verywell Mind. Retrieved from: https://www.verywellmind.com/how-and-why-stop-complaining-3144882 
5. Tran, V., Szabo, A., Ward, C., & Jose, P. E. (2023). To vent or not to vent? The impact of venting on psychological symptoms varies by levels of social support. International Journal of Intercultural Relations, 92. Retrieved from: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0147176722001730 
6. Wickremasinghe, N. (2021, November 26). Why Some People Dump Their Traumas on Us. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/sg/blog/spellbound/202111/why-some-people-dump-their-traumas-us 
7. Yeo, N. (2025, February 15). Complaining can be good for you, until it isn’t. Here’s how to vent without the toxicity. CNA. Retrieved from: https://www.channelnewsasia.com/today/mental-health-matters/complain-healthy-negativity-venting-toxic-4920951