A sharp rise in disability among older men is redefining what it means to age. With 62% of seniors now physically impaired, Father’s Day puts the spotlight on how ageing fathers live, cope and receive care.
The latest report by the Ministry of Social and Family Development reveals that nearly two in three seniors aged 65 and above now live with physical disabilities. Behind the data are real stories of men adjusting to life in slower motion, of families rethinking what support looks like.
In the lead-up to Father’s Day, we spoke with Naomi Chen and Marcus Tow from Allium Care Suites, a residential facility specialising in aged care and rehabilitation, to understand how older men navigate physical decline.
From Strength to Slowness
“Older men often don’t verbalise the need for help directly, especially if they’ve spent much of their lives in roles of leadership or responsibility.” says Chen, Senior Nurse Manager at Allium Care Suites. “Instead, the signs tend to manifest in more subtle ways: a decline in grooming habits, skipping meals, withdrawing from social interactions, or changes in mood.”
Marcus Tow, Principal Physiotherapist, sees it too.
“We typically see older men come seek physiotherapy due to age-related changes such as reduced balance, muscle weakness, back and joint pain — particularly in the knees and hips,” he adds.
“Some are also managing chronic lifestyle conditions like diabetes, high blood pressure or high cholesterol, often linked to low activity, smoking, or chronic stress.”
Underneath all that is something deeper – the realisation that their bodies are changing.
Rising Disability in Elderly Fathers
Singaporean fathers are entering their later years with bodies that are changing faster than most care systems are prepared for. The most recent Disability Trends Report shows that physical disability climbs steeply with age:
From just 7.3% among those aged 19 to 34, to 51.3% in those aged 50 to 64, and to 62.4% in those 65 and above.
Without visible support or honest conversation, some older men start withdrawing, because they no longer recognise their role within the family. That’s when isolation sets in, and caregiving becomes reactive instead of responsive.
When elder care plans account for these shifts early, older fathers remain central to family life, not in spite of their disabilities, but alongside them.
Making Space for Support Without Losing Self
Social norms around masculinity can make things tricky.
Fathers who spent years fixing problems and carrying responsibility may find it difficult to ask for help. Rather than speak up, they cope privately. They move less, avoid stairs, stop driving. And families do not always notice until something happens.
Asking for help can feel like losing control or stepping out of a role they have always known.
Chen explains that care is not only physical. “It’s also emotional and psychological,” she says, a dimension often overlooked.
Instead of waiting for a crisis, Chen suggests creating space early for everyday support.
“By offering choices, encouraging independence where safe, and truly listening,” she explains, “we maintain that delicate balance between support and self-respect.”
Dignity in Care Starts with Everyday Choices
Dignity in elder care is sometimes misinterpreted as softness or comfort. In reality, it is about choice. It is about giving older adults, especially fathers, the space to decide how they live, even as their bodies change.
Respectful care for someone used to being in control, Chen points out, means involving them in decisions rather than taking over. “It’s about honouring their preferences and routines as much as possible,” she says.
“Whether it’s what time they’d like to shower or what they’d like to wear that day, those small choices matter.”
At Allium Care Suites, Chen’s team pays close attention to these routines. “Asking for consent before assisting or explaining each step helps preserve their sense of agency and dignity.”
Care Is a Family Conversation, Not a One-Way Task
One of the most common mistakes families make, says Chen, is doing too much, too fast.
When care becomes necessary, families tend to focus on logistics like managing appointments, preparing meals, arranging transport. But many ageing fathers need something quieter and harder to spot: a sense that they still belong at the centre of the family they once held together.
In many households, support tends to become overcare, where family members rush to fix, decide, or take over. Though well-meant, this strips away agency and can lead to withdrawal.
“While it’s natural to want to protect and help, doing everything for an ageing parent can make them feel disempowered or invisible.” Avoiding difficult conversations, she adds, can also delay important decisions.
“We often guide families on how to engage in open, respectful dialogue that includes the father’s voice and preferences — not just assumptions about what’s best.”
Families are encouraged to walk alongside, not ahead. “What helps most is being encouraging, not controlling. Instead of doing tasks for him, do them with him.” Tow added.
Families might not know how to begin. Here are questions that can open the door to better, more collaborative care:
- What parts of your routine do you want to keep doing yourself?
- What kind of help feels useful, and what feels intrusive?
- How do you want to handle decisions about your health?
- Are there things you miss doing that we could adapt together?
- What makes you feel most like yourself right now?
What Your Father Might Need But Won’t Say
Support does not always look like caregiving.
It could be a handrail by the stairs. A second pair of glasses on the bedside table. A walking stick that stays in the car but never has to be asked for. For fathers adjusting to physical change, small tools can protect both safety and pride.
Tow points to raised toilet seats, grab bars in the shower, proper footwear, or a well-fitted walking aid, all of which can reduce the risk of falls and rebuild confidence.
Yet many older men hesitate to use them, seeing these tools as symbols of frailty. Resistance is common, especially among those who associate walking aids with “giving up.” The point is not to limit freedom but to sustain it, to help older men keep doing the things they love, safely.
“This walking stick isn’t to slow you down.” Tow often tells patients. “It’s to help you keep doing the things you love, safely.”
If you are supporting a father at home, the right adjustments can make independence easier without making him feel dependent. Some of the simplest fixes have the biggest impact:
- Motion-sensor night lights to prevent falls during bathroom trips
- Raised toilet seats to reduce strain on knees
- Grab bars near entrances and stairwells
- Non-slip shoes and floor mats
- Light, foldable walking aids that do not feel bulky or medical
Beyond the physical, tools like large-button phones, medication organisers, or reminder apps help preserve control over daily routines. Physiotherapists recommend home-based exercises that focus on balance and leg strength, key to staying mobile and upright.
When tools fit seamlessly into daily life, ageing fathers stay confident, capable, and involved.
How We Honour Fathers as They Age
Father’s Day celebrates strength, sacrifice, and presence. But strength changes form with age. It becomes quieter, more private, shaped by how fathers adapt to new limits without losing who they are.
This June, the best gift may not be material. It may be the chance for fathers to be seen, not just for who they were, but for who they are now.
